Building Self Confidence That’s Unshakeable

“Oh, you hate your job? Why didn’t you say so? There’s a support group for that. It’s called EVERYBODY, and they meet at the bar.”

Drew Carey

An awful job will do two things:

1. Try to steal every last bit of your self confidence until you’re the shriveled raisin version of the person you once were;


2. Pay you just enough to make you question whether you should leave.

We don’t let this happen on purpose, of course.

If a man in a dark trench coat approached you in the street offering to trade your self confidence for a few magic beans, I’m sure you’d laugh in his face.

But somehow, awful jobs are sneakier than that.

They promise to “look good” on your resume or pretend to be “learning opportunities”.

But they’re not.

“Good” jobs are sometimes nothing more than lying cheats who can lull you into complacency with a solid paycheck. 

Until . . .

Until you start to realize that the deal you made was rotten.

At that point, you might not only be terrified that it’s too late, you’ll also have had all your self confidence beaten out of you. 

But you can get your self confidence back even when your job has stolen it.


A Case Study

My client, Dani had the personality of a karaoke party.

She was always “on”, always happy, and at the ready to make everyone around her feel ok about any sour notes.

But her awful job kept her stuck behind a desk all day, working with invoices and numbers – not people.tulip-14696_640

She thrived on social interaction, but her job was dimming her true brilliance.

She started to question herself and her abilities and wondered if she just didn’t have “it” anymore. 

Eventually, Dani was able to connect with her confidence, and she then found the courage to divorce her paycheck and pursue her passion.

So how did she build her self confidence?

And how can you build yours?


Building Self Confidence 

Try to feel for a moment what zero self confidence is like. 

Maybe you don’t have to try that hard. 

You feel invisible (or like you want to be), you feel powerless, and you have no idea what the right next move is.

And most of all, whatever you’re facing, you don’t think you can do it. 

Pretty terrible, right?

So what’s the fastest way to go about building self confidence? 



When you lose your confidence you just don’t think you can do whatever it is you’re trying to do. 

The fastest way to build confidence is to do everything you can to prove yourself wrong.  

That doesn’t mean faking it. 

And it certainly doesn’t mean white-knuckling it and setting yourself up for failure. 

It means digging in and doing what you need to do be a success at your task. Go ahead, prove yourself wrong. You actually can do it. 


Do You Have It Or Not? 

Sometimes we think we either have confidence or we don’t.

But the truth is that it’s not a gift that has (or hasn’t) been bestowed upon us.

Self confidence is built over time like a muscle.

And just like being smart, confidence is less about what you have right now and more about what you can create. 

What’s smarter: knowing 1,000 facts, or knowing how to find 1,000,000 facts in less than a minute? 

And what will give you more confidence: the fact that you did well the last time or the fact that you know how to prepare yourself so you’ll do well every time? 


Prepare for Success

The more you prepare yourself to succeed, the more successes you will have.

And over time, more successes and knowing how to create successes on demand lead to more self-confidence. 

The roots of unshakeable self confidence lie in the everyday things that you can do right now to make your next thing a success. 

Whether that “thing” is a date, a new job, a public speaking gig, or anything else, it doesn’t matter.

Put the effort into doing everything in your power to create a positive outcome and you will not only add to your long list of confidence-boosting successes, you will be re-building your self confidence muscle – the one that allows you to create success on demand. 

Before you know it, you’ll feel as confident as Superman. 

So tell me, what’s stealing your confidence at work and how can you start building self confidence and create success on demand? 



  1. says

    Hi Jessica, You get confident by simply thinking you are. I do it everyday, by looking into the mirror and saying ” YOU WILL ACHIEVE ” . The good think about this is, nobody will laugh at you or say no you won’t. The key to achieving anything is by taking small steps towards your goal. Another thing that works for me but might seem strange is ” THINKING YOU WILL FAIL ” . It’s kind of like saying to yourself, ” I’VE GOT NOTHING TO LOSE, SO I MIGHT AS WELL GO FOR IT “. I mostly write poetry on scenarios that happen in everyday life. Best regards, Mark Johnson at

    • Jessica Sweet says

      I like the “thinking you will fail” technique. If you can still muster all your strength and not cave to that voice of doubt, it can be very powerful. It’s the “let it rip” attitude, because well, as you said, what have you got to lose? Great idea!

  2. says

    Good thoughts Jessica. To answer your question… what’s stealing your confidence? I’d say a sense of not growing or improving. Granted, each of us owns that responsibility. So many opportunities are out there (e.g. new project, training, etc) if we do one simply thing… ask for them.

    • Jessica Sweet says

      Brent, so true. You do have to put yourself out there by asking for what you want. I think so many people lose out because they think they shouldn’t have to ask, but they do!! Once you build that muscle, you can be incredibly confident.

  3. says

    Enjoyed the article. A lot can be written about confidence in the workplace. The sad fact is promotion or any type of working your way up the ladder isn’t achieved by hard work alone. You have to have the confidence to say ‘look at me’ and have the right people notice.

    Aaron Morton
    The Confidence Lounge

    • Jessica Sweet says

      So true, Aaron. And sometimes it’s the confidence to take on a project that makes a difference. Having confidence really makes a huge difference in success. Thanks for your comment! One from a confidence expert is very welcome!!

  4. says

    When I first got thrusted into the world of working, I was intimidated for a slight second that my age would be a huge factor. Look at this kid, just starting college. What does HE know?

    That’s the sort of thing I thought went on in people’s heads. After day one, I decided that there’s no way that’s how they think. Everyone’s too busy working on their own thing. Besides, be charismatic, be confident in yourself like you usually are. Show them you know your stuff.

    It worked. Believing in my own confidence allowed for it to shine through the workplace and the worries melted away. Boom.

    • Jessica Sweet says

      Hey Vincent! Yes, it’s true. People don’t spend nearly the amount of time thinking about us that we think they do! Recognizing that can really free things up and we CAN start to shine!

      Thanks so much for your comment!

  5. says

    YES! Confidence is EARNED! Through action. Thank you for saying it.

    Most confidence building articles just recycle the same ‘ol garbage . . . stand tall, dress nice, smile, look people in the eye, fake it ’til you make it.

    Such B.S.

    Superficial things such as those will never build true unshakable confidence. You have the right of it. Get out there and do stuff.

    Prove to yourself that you’re capable, and confidence has no choice but to follow.

    Good stuff Jess!


    • Jessica Sweet says

      Hi Trevor!

      Yes, I agree. There’s a certain amount of puffery we can do – like taking that last deep breath before stepping out onto the stage. But if you haven’t done the WORK, a breath won’t save you, no matter how deep it is!

      The best way to feel confident is to be confident. That seems like pretty lame advice to someone who is not confident yet, until they realize that it’s only through practice that they can be better. There’s no magic to it. We all have to take action to make it real.

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