If you like me, even just a little bit,I’m giving you fair warning that you might want to turn back now.
Because I’m about to tell you the ugly truth about how I found my bliss.
And it might just make you hate me.
So I’ll avert my eyes while some of you sneak quietly out the side door. I won’t hold it against you.
For the rest of you who are still here, I’m guessing you’re ready for me to spill and reveal this dirty little secret. . .
So here goes:
About five and a half years ago I gave up my day job as a clinical social worker on a locked inpatient mental health and substance abuse floor in a Boston hospital.
I’d just had a baby and the truth was, I almost couldn’t afford to go back to work.
You see, after paying taxes and childcare, I was going to be taking home about $5 an hour.
As much as I loved my job, it hardly seemed worth going back and leaving my new baby with someone else.
So I quit, and stayed home with my little girl.
Something I thought I’d never do. . .
And (get ready for it) the truth was I didn’t have to go back to work.
Ever.
(You hate me now, don’t you?)
My husband made good money. He was fine with supporting us both, if that’s what I decided I wanted to do.
Sure, my paycheck helped, but we didn’t need it to get by.
If I was happy caring for my daughter (now we have two), baking cookies, getting dinner on the table, running errands and cleaning house, he was happy to let me do it.
And for a while, I did.
But I wasn’t really happy. (Now you hate me I’m sure.)
Something was missing, but I couldn’t bring myself to leave my daughter to earn enough per hour to buy a package of diapers (oh wait, I wasn’t even earning that much!)
So here I was.
I never had to work again.
But I wanted to do something with myself in addition to being a mom and housewife.
Can you imagine it?
Maybe from where you are now it seems enviable to have that much freedom. And in the end for me it turned out to be such a blessing.
But at the time, it felt like I had no ground underneath me.
What was I going to DO with myself?
I had 16 hours a day to fill (along with my husband’s good pay came long hours too).
I couldn’t play with toys all day.
I couldn’t watch TV all day.
I couldn’t fill my entire day with errands and cleaning. Ok, maybe I could – but it just felt like I was distracting myself from my life and the real problem I was facing.
I suddenly had this big question before me and I just didn’t know what to do.
So maybe by now you do hate me, because you now know that I didn’t have to work. I had an incredible freedom most people only dream of.
But maybe you recognize that I was just as stuck in my “job” situation as you might feel right now.
And I’ll tell you, I’m not the kind of person who does well with no structure. I need that framework to feel right. So this particular brand of “stuck” was very hard for me.
If you’ve ever been out of work or in a similar situation for whatever reason, maybe you know what I mean.
So, I began a journey.
I asked myself, “What do I really want to do with my time?” “What do I want to create in my life?” “What would be an ideal situation for me?”
It was a road with some twists and turns, but eventually, I found myself right here, exactly where I wanted to be – in my bliss.
I get to talk to people, understand them and help them, which fills me up.
I get to write – which I love.
I get to create and design programs, groups, products, services and tools to help people along their journey – which taps into a major passion for me.
And I get to set my own schedule, which means I can be there for my kids and do the work I love at the same time.
The journey of deep reflection revealed to me all the things I could say I “get” to do, instead of the things I felt I had to do.
I also took my own journey down the road that I now guide others on, and I can say that having really “been there” helps me serve my clients better.
So that, friends, is how I found my bliss.
It’s time for you to find yours.
Do you know what you’d do if you suddenly never had to work again, but you were bored of “leisure” and needed something to DO?
What would you do with your life if you could do anything, but still needed to be paid?
If you’re brave enough, answer those questions in the comments below.
But whether you write it here or not, think about it. Hard. Because if you can answer those questions for yourself, you’ve just fast forwarded your journey toward work you love.
Got real life responsibilities, but still want work you love? Join me!
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Wow, this sounds so familiar. I think I will work at something that inspires me for as long as I can function. I think that is the key to staying vibrant in life. If you are passionate about something and feel a calling AND you can keep doing the things that need to be done for you family, well- Win Win. I’m so glad you found your balance and that I met you!
Melissa recently posted…4 Tips To Stop Sabotaging Your Business
I have a friend with a 2 year old girl . While she is a great mom and wife, she is wanting to do other things in addition to being a mom. I think it is quite natural to want other things way before the empty nest syndrome hits.
I think most people struggle with time or money to ultimately do the things they want to do if they have a day job, family, kids or other commitments, so I would call your truth more enviable. You had the time to start thinking about other things that would bring you joy.
Wendy Krueger recently posted…Life by the Cup
Thanks Wendy! Yes, my truth is enviable, which is why I was afraid to share it. I was scared that the envy would make people be unable to see the struggle that I faced, but the truth was really, truly not knowing what on earth I was supposed to do with myself was a scary feeling. But in the end, I’m grateful that I understand what it is to stare into that void and get it, because without that understanding I don’t think I could really empathize with my clients the way I do.
Thank you for this Jessica,
I’ve been stuck in the “what am I going to do with my life?” situation for way too long. I’ve also had too much time on my hands and not been able to use it properly. You’ve got me thinking, and its time to make changes!
Thanks Megan. The good news about my ugly truth, and yours too I’m sure, is that we CAN make those changes. No matter what’s happened – if we’ve wasted time, been down the wrong path (or many of them), felt lost, confused, or hopeless, there can be a turnaround where we make those changes and finally take the reins and figure out what we’re doing and where we’re going. Good luck, and I’m glad you’re here!
Megan,
It is never too late to make a change. Looking back and wondering why you didn’t is far worse than taking a leap of faith and doing what your instinct tells you to do.
Cheers,
Marc
Marc Zazeela recently posted…Shooting the rapids on the Chatooga River just outside of Helen…
Absolutely! Even when your leap doesn’t work out quite the way you expected. There’s not much that hurts quite the same as regret.
Excellent story, good to know you did something good with your life, keep up the good work.
Thanks Carl!
Thank you for sharing your story. No matter how you got there, people need to hear it. If nothing, it will help others get a little bit closer to figuring out what they want to do.
In my senior year of high school I also had a situation where I had too much time on my hands. I only had to take a few classes to graduate and I didn’t take college classes or have a part-time job. As I searched around aimlessly I found an unlikely passion: poker.
The game is based on skill, not luck. The further you get into it, the more you realize you know nothing. I loved the hell out of that game and still play it. I never would have figured that out if I didn’t have that time to explore.
Kevin Cole recently posted…My Secret Life In “The Game” & A Vow Of Honesty
Hey Kevin,
I know what you mean. In my situation I had a lot of time to think and I was lucky that I did the thinking and didn’t just squash the opportunity for growth with a whole bunch of “shoulds.” It sounds like you didn’t either. It’s interesting where life takes us if we’re just willing to be present to it.
I don’t think your ‘ugly truth’ is all that bad. I made the realisation last year that I couldn’t ever go back to work again. I had tried it, for the last 16 years of my life – but it just wasn’t working out for me.
So I quit and that’s that.
I am now trying to live my life on my own terms and to hell with what anyone else thinks, (and they DO think.. and say and moan and mock).
There is absolutely nothing wrong with refusing to spend 40 hours a week doing something you hate for somebody who doesn’t give a damn.
Good on you for choosing ‘you’. I bet you wouldn’t change it for the world!
jamie flexman recently posted…Has Anyone Ever Told You That You’re Amazing?
Jamie, you’re right, I wouldn’t! And you’re also right about the fact that there are people out there with too many opinions about other people. I always say they have nothing better to do. Fortunately for you and I (and all the other people out there who are “going for it”) we’ve got too much to do to spend a lot of time on that!!
Great article Jess! Can relate 100%!
Hey Sara! 🙂 Thanks for your support here!
Jess,
Interesting that I was thinking about this just the other day. The subject came up as we were discussing what to do with our Powerball winnings (never happened)?
I suppose I would like to take some time for leisurely activities like travel and such. But, I know that after a while that would become boring and un-fulfilling.
I enjoy what I do now, but I know there is more. I would really like to teach. Sadly, that is not a financial reality at this time. Perhaps, at some time in the future…
Cheers,
Marc
Marc Zazeela recently posted…queenslove:
Head to the LIC Flea & Food while the weather…
Hi Marc,
Maybe being a school teacher isn’t in the cards for you, but is there a way to infuse more teaching into what you do now? Just a thought. . .
It’s fun to think about hitting the lottery, but after the party’s over, it’s interesting to think about what that opens up both in terms of opportunity, but also in terms of any emptiness we might feel because we’re not on mission.
Thanks so much for your comment (and bravery!)
Jessica Sweet recently posted…The (Ugly) Truth About How I Found My Bliss