photo credit: Alan Cleaver via photopin cc
Whether you know it or not, your life isn’t meant to be without passion and purpose.
You aren’t supposed to be struggling so much to find something to care about. It isn’t supposed to be enormously difficult to uncover a thing – anything – that matters to you.
If you’ve been around this blog for a while, you’ll know that I hate posts that tell you to wake up to the fact that you’ll be dying any moment now, and so you’d better get on this living thing – without providing any further instruction. Annoying. (If you didn’t know that about me, you can read more about it here and here.)
So this post isn’t going to be about that. It’s not going to be yet another post telling you TO wake up to your passion and purpose. This post is going to actually tell you HOW to do it.
Bold, I know, but read on.
Finding Passion And Purpose
Passion and purpose are a little different for everyone, which is part of why they’re so hard to nail down.
It’s not like you’re trying to build a bookcase from Ikea. There aren’t clear instructions for what it looks like before, during and after the process.
Your bookcase will look different from mine, and that’s kind of the point.
We wouldn’t want a world full of cookie-cutter Ikea bookcase/passions. It would be too boring that way.
But waking the hell up? Now that’s another matter. Because we’re all struggling with that for similar reasons, which means that we can all solve that in a similar way.
Ready for it?
Here it is:
Waking up to your passion and purpose starts with being able to sit with the sheer terror that comes with finally, truly, admitting to yourself what you really want and why you’re not going after it.
Fear
The real problem is that we’re just so afraid.
Afraid of our success.
Afraid of our failure.
Afraid of who we’ll hurt if we become who we truly are.
Afraid of who we’ll let down.
Afraid of who will no longer be there for us.
Afraid, ultimately, that somehow, in the act of becoming who we’re meant to be that we’ll destroy ourselves and possibly those around us for even trying. So it’s better to stay small, stay safe and not risk it.
But guess what? Icarus never flew too close to the sun.
You’re not going to get burned.
That doesn’t mean it’s going to be easy.
Can I guarantee there won’t be any bumps and bruises along the way? No.
But I can guarantee you that your current path will continue to be a painful one.
Can I guarantee no one will ever leave you for being too big or more bold than they have the courage to be? No.
But the people who are too afraid to live into their own passion and purpose won’t be inspiring for you to be around anyway.
Can I guarantee you that you won’t destroy yourself or destroy others in your quest to become the person you’re meant to be?
Almost.
I can’t see the future. But when you listen to your gut instead of your fear, you’re guided by something that’s bigger than fear. Here’s how I know:
“The universe has much bigger plans for you than you ever dreamed of for yourself.” ~Deepak Chopra
“I had to trust life and believe that life loved the person who dared to live it.” ~Maya Angelou
Things really, truly work out. You can’t destroy with energy that’s meant for creation.
You’ll outgrow things, sure. People will be afraid of the amazing things you’re doing and use that for an excuse for why they can’t be in your shadow any longer, yes.
But if you can let go of the fear of change and just accept that embracing your passions and purpose means there’s something better in store for you, you’re going to be ok.
[jbox color=blue] This week, I’m asking you to take a bold action step. But if you can do it, you’ll be giving fear the kick in the teeth it deserves.
Here’s what I’m asking you to do – answer this question in the comments below:
What is your number one fear around embracing your passion and purpose in life, and what is the first thing you need to do to let go of it? [/jbox]
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If you still have fears about your career change, sign up for my Cheat Sheet for a Fear Free Career Change here!
Hi Jessica,I have trouble finding my purpose and my passion in life.I have change jobs in quite many industries .The point of holding to a job is money motivated and at the end of the day,my soul is not at peace and draining till I got back home after work.I hate the idea of waking up to a job that only pay bills and working for just 8 hours in a day.I’m 26 now,deeply depressed and clueless on my next move.Your guide and help is appreciated on this.
Roy recently posted…Unhappy At Work: Why Midlife Makes Us Cranky
Roy,
I’m sorry to hear this! You’re in the right place. Please stay connected with me, and I hope that the resources here will be helpful to you. It is my mission to help you and people in your same situation. It’s no way to live. . .
My biggest fear is fear of failure. My fear of finding my passion and following through. i haven’t followed through on anything in so long i’ve half assed everything. Now i want to find my passion just looking for a starting point.
Diana, sometimes it’s really interesting to dig into fears and discover what they are really about. I’ve been honest about mine before so I’ll use mine as an example. Mine is a fear of success that goes like this – If I achieve everything I ever wanted. . . then what? Will I be really, really bored? So actually, my fear of success is a fear of boredom. Can you get to the core of what your fear is about?
Although I love the attitude of this post, I can’t help but ask, “What if you aren’t actually sure what you want?” I went to college for 4 years, certain that I wanted to be a game programmer and now here I am, months after graduation, with no job and I’m almost certain that I don’t want to be a game programmer.
I feel like I used up most of my “safety net” time with college and I’m fast approaching a point where I need to have something to show for it in terms of making some money, or I’ll just be standing around looking stupid with massive college loans and continued dependency on my parents.
Sometimes I feel like it would be easier to find my passions and pursue them if I was completely independent, but that of course, requires already finding my passion and monetizing it or working some job that I don’t like, so it’s kind of a catch-22.
I mean, don’t get me wrong. I have some idea of where I want to go and I’ve been pursuing options, such as selling self-help writing, but then I hit aspects of it that do the opposite of energize me and I start wondering all over again. Not because I want my life to be perfect but because I’m forced to ask, “How am I supposed to have the energy to live this career for years if there are aspects of it that drain the hell out of me in a bad way?”
The almost hilariously trying part of all of it is that since graduation, I seem to find passion and interest in nothing but career paths that have a terrible success rate and require a lot going nowhere with no guarantee that you’ll ever get where you want to be (such as writing or acting – creative paths, more or less).
I know that I’m afraid to go out on my own and fail, for a variety of reasons that are difficult to just rationalize away. One of them being that I’m not even confident in a particular direction to pursue. I was confident in that way when I started college, but I guess I’m afraid of embracing that level of certainty now because I’m tired of spending my life on things that give me nothing to show for the time I’ve invested and leave me in the same place I was before.
I grow from every experience, sure, but I can’t move out with growth and spend growth to rent a place. All I’ve got is air.
Hi John,
It’s the dilemma that so many people called to do something “creative” face. On the one hand they are not assured of success – thus, the starving artist. They struggle with their art, maybe loving aspects and disliking others as in your case, or feeling like they’re selling out the moment they’re paid to do it, or feeling things that come and go like writers block and other creative struggles. Even if they are successful, it doesn’t always mean they are highly paid. It’s difficult to “make a living” doing something creative. But it can be done.
I think the entire thing is about moving forward with things you love period. Maybe you get paid to do them. Maybe you decide that for you, right now, that’s too hard and you’d rather have a steady income doing something else. But the point is, you can’t retreat into your life and forget what you once loved. You can’t give up and think it isn’t important – no – essential, to who you are and what keeps you alive. Even if you decide that it’s not the path you want to take in terms of your main form of financial support, it has to be a main form of soul support. No matter what. Because if you retreat into your shell, give up, decide it’s impossible and there is no use in it, you may never wake up and just have deeply hidden regret forever, or you may wake up one day to realize that even if you never got paid a penny to do it, there could have been years and hours of joy and beauty brought forth by whatever it is that you do. Whatever path you choose, DO what you do, and don’t stop.
Thank you for the reply, Jessica. Your words are inspiring and have given me a lot to think about.
My fear is that life got the best of me and I have no clue where to go from here, that I may never find my passion. My attempt to fixing it is trying to heal and find out who I really am. Not to be brought down by negativity anymore. If you can help with my healing/discovery processs it will greatly be appreciated!
Rhonda, don’t give up hope! You’re probably not as far away as you think. At the most basic level, tuning in to passion is about getting clear on what you really want by getting past the loud voice of fear. Easy to say and hard to do, I know, but I believe that’s the path. I’m glad you’re here. We’re here to guide and help in any way we can!
Embracing success is the key to moving towards your passion. If you can accept what it would be like to be the person you want to be, then the transition is easy.
If you fear change, then it will push you further from your goal.
We can’t be afraid of failure because ultimately, nothing will change.
But fear of success? That’s real and scary, but it doesn’t mean we should shy away from it. That’s where the joy lies.
jamie flexman recently posted…3 Insane Reasons Why You Will Never Be Happy
Hi Jamie! You’re right – you do have to embrace each new thing that’s moving you toward the person you’re meant to be. It is what moves you in the right direction.
This conversation has brought up the whole fear of failure and fear of success thing, which seems to have resonated with a lot of people, and which I will spend some time on in the future!
I’ve always thought about it like being a lefty (I’m not one) – but being someone who actually tends on the side of fearing success, I think I’m in the minority and it’s one of the many things that makes me a little weird 🙂
Jessica Sweet recently posted…How To Wake The Hell Up To Your Passion And Purpose Now!
The fear of failure doesn’t describe it enough for me. For me, it’s the fear that something will change to take all the success away. I wonder if this ever changes with more success or more reward for the work put in?
Razwana recently posted…Rants, wasted energy, and THE MOTHER of all lists
Like a giant wrecking ball to your life. It’s interesting after reading all these comments and sharing my own personal slant on fear that we all tell ourselves stories about what can happen. Fear really DOES want us to stay small. I’ve heard that was true, but until you brave folks shared your fears publicly, it’s been hard to see it all in one place.
Jessica Sweet recently posted…How To Wake The Hell Up To Your Passion And Purpose Now!
I’m afraid of succeeding! How will it change my relationships? What if after success, I realise it’s not all it’s cracked up to be and I’m miserable again? I don’t have stick-to-it-ivness usually… Will I get bored?
Dale recently posted…OK, Here Goes….
Dale,
I’m actually with you. I get it. Especially the “will I get bored” thing. Don’t get me started on that. But I just have to remember that it really hasn’t ever happened yet, so it’s probably not likely to. 🙂 Thanks so much for your honesty, and your “alternative” point of view.
Jessica Sweet recently posted…How To Wake The Hell Up To Your Passion And Purpose Now!
Jessica,
Honestly, I have been struggling with finding my passion for a few months now. I have bounced from job to job as a sales rep, but I hate it. I wake up every day dreading what’s ahead of me. I have a tendency to be indecisive. I think that my biggest fear is starting a project and getting immersed in it, only to realize that it’s not exactly what I want to be doing. With financial burdens weighing on me, that’s not a risk that I can afford to take.
Hi Chris,
You already know, that’s no way to live. I hate that people wake up every day and dread what’s ahead of them. That’s just so awful. But don’t let the quest for a perfect passion spoil everything that might be good about now. Learn from each new experience. If it’s not exactly what you want, see if you can find or shape the next experience to be something that feels a little closer. Don’t let a perfect future prevent you from loving today.
Jessica Sweet recently posted…How To Wake The Hell Up To Your Passion And Purpose Now!
It is very hard for me to answer this as I am still trying to work out what my purpose and passion it. Do you have any tips on this area that would help me?
Thanks
Danielle
Oh, yes Danielle, I’m glad you asked! A good place to start is on my resource page here: https://wishingwellcoach.com/finding-passion/
I need to add some recent posts to it, so be sure to go back through some of the latest blog posts as well. Let me know if any specific questions come up!
Jess
My number one fear is failure and loss. I am scared of starting because people won’t get me and won’t support my vision. And as a result I’ll loose everything with no clue how to recover.
Stevone recently posted…Bling Extravaganza
Interesting. Not only fear of failing, but as a result of failing it’s like you’ll disappear. . . I think we all have similar fears: “As a result of X I’ll cease to exist.” They’re big and scary and. . . not real. So I give you HUGE KUDOS for putting this fear out in the open where you and all the world can see it. Because if there’s one thing fear hates, it’s the light of day – where you can examine it, and test it, and do things differently until eventually you’re less afraid.
I think my biggest fear is failure. Trying to find you’re passion is one thing, making it a reality is a different story. I’m trying to figure out the first part. Dealing with anxiety makes it a little more difficult at times. I heard the phrase “quarter life crisis” before, and I think that’s where I am.
Thanks Brandon. It’s so hard to put yourself out there like this and I appreciate it so much that you (and the other commenters) have taken the bold step to do it!
I’ve always thought of the quarter-life crisis as the time when you finally are deciding for yourself what you want. I think up until that point it’s often fairly well laid out for us – and then suddenly the rug gets pulled out and we have to decide. I don’t know if that’s been your experience. I agree though, finding it and making it a reality are two different things and sometimes it feels like everything and everyone is just working against you. But in those times you’ve got to connect with people and things that lift you up and help you remember what you’re after and why.
Number one fear… Failure. Not being able to dedicate the time needed to make my passion pay for itself. I just want to be able to pay for supplies buy selling what i make, any profits above that are a bonus.
Hi Linda. Thanks for sharing! Your fear is a common one – but that’s not to say it’s any less scary. Many of us are afraid to fail, and it can prevent us from even starting. You might start by setting smaller goals for yourself to see if those feel less overwhelming. If you’re not afraid of failing at the baby step, perhaps, before you know it, you’ll have achieved a larger goal!
In the process of the baby steps right now. I have the support of my family, and that is a huge things for me. I’ve managed to find a group of leatherworkers, from all over the world, of all different levels and styles that are a supportive group and willing to share any knowledge they have with me. Having a group like them that is there for the ups and downs that come along is an extra support that I realise is very important, but didn’t realise up until a few months ago. Now it is to the point that i have to get past the fear of not succeeding and be willing to take a few bigger steps! Thanks Jessica your blog has made me look at a few things differently 🙂
My biggest fear is being alone and commitment as I wasn’t bought up as an independent person. I have been in so many relationships and feel miserable when I’m alone and always end up going home to my parents. This fear has destroyed my work, relationships and friends and everything else as I just find it hard to do anything myself and can’t make decisions which causes me to suffer from major depression and anxiety when I am alone. It also feels like I destroy things that I love because I always think the grass is greener on the other side.
Sam, you’re so brave to share with us. I wonder what the deep, underlying fear is about being alone? Maybe you know what it is, or maybe you could do some work in therapy to uncover it. It sounds like it is holding you back from living your life fully. Even when you find someone to be with, I’m guessing the terror of being alone prevents you from being authentic in the relationship – which then ends up making things go south. See if you can do some work on that core issue. You CAN figure out how to feel ok with yourself, and step into a life that feels purposeful.
Hi Jessica,
Thank you for your reply as it means a lot. I am currently seeing a therapist and have been seeing many different therapists for years and also on medication and I always fall back in this cycle as in my last relationship which ended a month ago, I got lazy and was needy and not very motivated or focused where as my partner was go go go always and I had the fear of commiting to her and her kids and she finally had enough and broke it off and now I am back to square one again.
Thank you
Sam
Well, keep truckin’ Sam. You’re probably not at square one (even if it feels like it). You’ve learned over the years, like we all have, about who you are and what’s good for you. So keep doing what you know you need to do.
Good luck!
Jess
Jessica Sweet recently posted…How To Wake The Hell Up To Your Passion And Purpose Now!