Do you have trouble believing in yourself?
What do you really want?
What’s holding you back?
Those are some of the big questions I ask my clients. They’re not dinner party conversation. It’s not like you’d walk up to someone you’d never met and ask them this. If you did, after you got the blank stare and uncomfortable laughter, they’d walk away thinking you were strange.
But when you’re working with someone in a coaching relationship, you can ask things like this.
People usually can’t answer all at once. It’s a process. It takes time to figure out. But the funny thing is, in order to even answer the question, you have to have a certain amount of belief in yourself.
Have you found this to be true? Even if you’ve never revealed to anyone else what you really want or what’s holding you back, have you found that to even say or think what you want out loud takes some guts?
No?
Try this: Think about your biggest, most out-there goal. Now say it to yourself in the mirror with a straight face.
Did you feel a little uneasy? That was the feeling of not quite believing what you were saying – not quite believing in yourself.
Getting Underneath The Problem
Sometimes we don’t know what we want. And sometimes we know, but we can’t quite admit it because we don’t believe.
So often I talk to people who really know what they want, but think they don’t because they’re held back by a veil of believing they can’t or shouldn’t.
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If you want to know what you really want and what’s holding you back from that, you have to do what I call “get underneath the problem.”
See, there’s the first level, where you’re sitting sort of in a fog with the issue. You don’t know the answers and you can’t see two feet in front to you because the fog is so thick. You’re groping around looking for where to go next.
But by believing in yourself a little bit, you can get underneath all that.
Look a little deeper.
What are you actually afraid of? What’s the thing that’s preventing you from moving forward on whatever it is you want (even if what you want is no more clear than, “I want something better than this.”)
Can you get a sense of what’s holding you back?
Once you know that block, you’re no longer in the problem, you’re underneath it. You’re looking at it from a deeper understanding and you can act on it, not just have it act on you.
Now – wait for it – here’s the real magic. . .
You get to do something about it. As they say, knowledge is power.
What Happens When You Start Believing In Yourself
Believing in yourself is an amazing thing. When you believe in yourself and what you’re doing, you don’t stand in your own way any longer and subtly sabotage your own goals.
When you truly and fully believe in yourself, it’s like you stop working and living with one hand tied behind your back, and start putting all your efforts toward whatever it is you want in your life.
When you believe in yourself, you no longer have to feel afraid or ashamed or guilty or whatever it is that might be blocking you, and you can just let your light shine – and let your peacock feathers show!
It might sound sappy – and while I’m all for believing in dreams I don’t believe you get there without hard work – but you CAN be whatever you make up your mind to be.
What have you found to be the biggest barrier to doing what you want or knowing what you want? Is it believing in yourself, or is it something else? Do you think you believe in yourself right now??
Let me know in the comments below!
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For me, it’s about the willingness to take actions that look like I believe in myself, even if I don’t, really.
I’ve learned that taking the next right action can actually begin to help me change the way I think. And, simultaneously, changing the way I think one breath at a time can open the way for me to take more and more empowering actions.
I love the bidirectionality of this path to freedom!
Blessings,
Sue
Sue Kearney (@MagnoliasWest) recently posted…I’m the designer — you get to be the diva
YES! You begin to trust yourself more, and in doing so, that more trustworthy person just *knows* what the right thing for you is! It is beautiful, isn’t it?! Thank you!!
I love this Jessica Untie the hand from behind your back, & put everything toward what you want in your life. I think I finally started doing that yesterday and it does come down to really believing in YOU! Take the brakes off and we can soar
Love
Suzie xx
Suzie Cheel recently posted…Reigniting My Creative Spirit
It’s truly amazing what can happen when we stop having those internal struggles. Getting *REALLY* clear changes everything! Thank you Suzie! <3
Couldn’t agree more about the importance of self-belief, though I also agree with Marla that it’s not as easy as simply deciding to believe in yourself. Creating the intention matters, but then you need to back it up with action to begin building confidence. Great article, thanks for the inspiration!
Marquita Herald recently posted…Making a Difference: Huey’s Story
Marquita, yes, I agree, you do need to move forward with action for sure, and build confidence. But none of that happens unless you take that first step. And the wonderful cascade of happenings start with just taking that first step into self-belief!
Seven years ago my big barrier was believing that I had to be driven to be happy. I had to “stick to the career path” to be happy. To everyone’s surprise I blew all that up and started the career in a completely different direction. Once I let go of the fear of the unknown, it was the best decision I’ve ever made.
Kimba recently posted…By: Kim Dalferes
Good for you!! And I bet you’ve never been happier!!
I think sometimes it’s too big a leap to ask people to believe in themselves before they pursue their dreams – limiting beliefs are powerful and take time to change.
So rather than stay stuck or overthink things, people can start by believing in ‘possibilities’ (having hope) even if they don’t necessarily believe that it is possible for them yet (a trusted coach, friend or advisor can help with this too) and then take a baby step forward. Repeat.
I don’t think fear disappears when you start believing in yourself more. It’s just that confidence grows with action and personal experience that ‘proves’ to ourselves that, “I can handle this”. We become more willing to risk while at the same time, feeling fear. We’re always growing in this way.
So yes, believe in yourself…but don’t wait until you believe in yourself to take action toward what you desire 🙂
Marla recently posted…Solo Travel Feeds the Soul of an Introvert Mom
Getting used to be in a corporate job is a good example. I had to “lose”my job and needed to survive before I decided to dive into business! But no. I should not make my business a temporary gig while looking for a job. I have been working on my self-belief and when I started to have a mindset of “my own business”I started moving my ass and getting to do real ground work. Now I am seeing the fruits early on 🙂
Rob Leonardo recently posted…5 Exercises To Power Up Your Confidence in 2015
Thanks Rob! It’s so amazing when we detect the things we tell ourselves – like you realizing that you were undermining your business by treating it as temporary – how we can change them. It’s also just plain shocking sometimes to realize what we say to ourselves! I’m glad that you caught this belief early on and shifted it to something that was in more alignment with what you actually want for yourself! I’m so glad you’re seeing success!