I love my husband. I really do.
That doesn’t mean he can’t be a real jerk sometimes.
He wasn’t trying to be a jerk. And in fact, if you ask him, he wasn’t being a jerk. But what he did felt a little jerk-y at the time. But in the end it actually ended up being one of the keys to success in my business.
Maybe something like this has happened to you. . .
Let me tell you the story.
You see, I wanted to make a substantial investment in my business, and like any big financial decision, I talked it over with him first.
Here’s what I proposed:
Instead of paying myself my full salary for the month, I’d take that money and put it towards my purchase. I saw it as a capital investment (fancy, right?) which would surely pay me back, so he didn’t need to worry about it.
I thought he’d be just as excited as I was! Yipeee!
Um, no.
He – being a numbers guy, has a high threshold for convincing. Meaning your argument has to be good. And mine wasn’t.
Sure I wanted it.
Sure I thought it would give me a good return on my investment.
But where was the proof? Where were the numbers, baby? And if I was going to essentially take a loan to do it??
Hell, no.
Needless to say, I wasn’t happy. I felt he was being controlling, unhelpful, and mean (and those are the nice words, cleaned up for this family-friendly blog.)
I could have decided that it was my business and my money and ultimately my choice, because I’m an empowered woman and nobody tells me what to do. . . but when was the last time he said that about his paycheck?
Never.
Just not how we roll in our family.
And one other thing. Deep down, I knew he was right.
Not only do we not do that in our family, we keep our commitments to each other. And I have committed certain things related to my business and my income.
Despite what you may have heard, quitting your job and working for yourself like I did isn’t just about doing what you love.
It’s also about making money.
Moolah.
Because as one of my lovely clients so powerfully put it, “Being broke isn’t fun.”
No. She went on to eloquently describe her beliefs on how having and not having money can limit or expand your choices in life, and how those choices can create or diminish your happiness.
So when it comes to pursing a passion based business, it’s not just about finding what you love to do.
It’s also about making enough money doing it. Because being broke isn’t fun, and if you’re broke you won’t love what you’re doing anymore, or at least be able to do it for long enough to keep your electricity on for long enough to finish this blog post.
Two Lessons: The Keys To Success
So back to my poor, maligned husband.
In that moment, he taught me two very powerful and painful lessons. I’m going to share them with you here.
Lesson 1: The power of an outside perspective.
Crap.
You’d think as a coach I’d know this already. I coach people on this kind of stuff – and I’m really, really good at it. . . but when it comes to looking at my own situation, my feelings got in the way. I wanted to make this investment badly, and my desire got in the way my seeing things objectively. His outside perspective on it really helped me see that there were other factors involved (my husband’s feelings, for example).
When it comes to you, recognize that coaching can be really powerful in helping you see things from another perspective and not through your own world view. It’s so hard to move away from our own perspective without help.
We’re all human, and we all get tangled up in our own feelings, thoughts and perspective, no matter how hard we try not to.
Your feelings and the way you think about things can color your world so thoroughly it can be like you’re moving through life on auto-pilot.
For me, it was only until my husband basically told me that I was a raving lunatic that I stopped and reassessed whether I was thinking clearly or not.
Lesson 2: Digging Deep
This lesson was probably the biggest one for me.
Maybe you’re running as fast as you possibly can and then. . . wait, running? Ok, let me try again.
Maybe you’re standing up for yourself in a confrontational situation. Know when you’ve gone as far as you think you can go?
But then you push yourself just a little bit further. . .
It’s more than even you thought you could do. You’re pushing through limits you didn’t even know were there.
It was that way for me.
To get this thing I really wanted, I had to figure out what needed to be done, and I had to do it. I had to go places in my mind I’d never gone before. I had to dig deep.
And once I’d dug that hole, once I realized I could do that, there was no going back.
The only question I had was,
How much further can I go?
That question has transformed my business.
I don’t tell you this story because it’s fun for me or because I think I’m cool (does anyone say that anymore? Or anyone who is, well, cool? Anyway. . .) I tell you because it’s a story about unlocking potential.
Your potential has been locked up deep inside and buried deeper than Blackbeard’s treasure.
You already know that you’ve got something to contribute with your talents, your passion, your you-ness that just isn’t coming across in the work you’re doing now.
So what kind of a difference would it make if you dug deeper? If you pushed yourself beyond limits you didn’t even know you had?
What could you do? Could you reach your wildest dreams? Or could your wildest dreams suddenly become too small?
Be honest.
Where I Buried The Body
So I know this guy and for 500 bucks. . .
No seriously, in the end, I was a big enough person to admit that I was actually wrong, and he was right.
Instead of dipping into my income to pay for my investment, I worked my butt off to make enough to pay for it plus my salary.
Instead of holding on to the idea that I was a victim and that someone else should let me off the hook or pony up the extra cash, I was forced to ask myself “What can I do here?” It’s a question I’m used to asking, but this time the answer came hard – and now, I’m grateful.
I’d love to hear from you. When has your back been against the wall? When have you had to dig deep or been forced to grow? What are you striving for? Let me know below!
Click Here to Get It!
The two keys outlined for success in this blog are true…you need another perspective and dig deep – find out how much further you can go…GREAT!!!
It was a tough lesson in the moment, but it turned out to be really helpful. Have you had a similar experience?
Hey Jessica,
I can relate. Not because my girlfriend is mean, or I’m mean to her, but because I understand both sides of this.
On the one hand it’s tough to be the “meanie weenie” and tell your partner something that’s basically criticism (I just told my girlfriend that I think she was overdoing herself and that she maybe needed to cut a project or two – at first she thought it was mean too, but in the end she thought it was helpful), on the other hand you want to be honest with them (and really just help them be happier).
Of course it’s also tough to receive a comment like this and prevent autopiloting into “this isn’t fair” mode.
Good job on being mindful enough to learn from it!
When was a time where you told your husband something that really changed his perspective after maybe sounding mean at first?
Niklas Goeke recently posted…The “MIT” solution – How to identify the one key task each day to make consistent progress
Niklas! Wow! Love that you asked this question. I don’t know if it was the last time, but what really jumped out at me was the time that I told him he was living with “one hand tied behind his back.” He wasn’t allowing all his talent and brilliance to come forward because of his own fears. He really heard that, and after that things in his career really took off. Thanks for such a thought provoking question!
Hi, Thanks for sharing your story, yes, I agree that having a second opinion or having an outside perspective helps us to decide clearly, sometimes we are only looking at a one way street without digging deeper to know the consequences of our actions. Great Read!
sherill recently posted…Should You See Magic Mike XXL?
Thank you Sherill! It’s so easy to do that for all of us! I have to admit that hitting the “publish” button on this one was a little scary, so I’m glad you liked it!
Honest story. I don’t even remember the first time I something difficult, but it happens to me all the time at everything I do. Whether I’m putting in that extra workout before the big race or downing a few redbulls so I can pull an all-nighter and get those finishing touches on my project, I enjoy being able to say that I did a good job at something I care about. I know that everyone is like me, but I still take pride in my ability to do the right thing. Whenever I start to feel a bit, overconfident, I remember that honesty and modesty are so invaluable tools in the world of business. Good luck out there.
mike802 recently posted…Product Documents Checklist
Thanks Mike! Yes, sometimes we think we’ve got it all figured out, but it’s just really hard to see clearly from the “inside.” I also like what you say about digging deep – putting in the extra workout or pulling the all-nighter. Sometimes that’s what it takes to make your dreams come true!!
I appreciate you sharing this story, Jessica. There are so many decisions when running a business, so it is helpful to have a second opinion. I’ve gone down that road myself, where I thought a certain purchase would be essential to help my business grow. Having a second, objective opinion helps. I’m glad it worked out for you!
Cathy Taughinbaugh recently posted…How to Find Your Own Recovery: An Interview with Idaho mom, Sandy Baiocco
Oh, yes! Been there too, Cathy! There are so many decisions in business. It’s like a real-life video game. You have so many directions you can go, but a wrong move can sometimes mean business death. Luckily, not all decisions are that dire – we can recover, and we shouldn’t be afraid to fail – we just shouldn’t bet the farm, and we should get used to getting outside opinions, often!! 🙂
I so love this story Jessica and I know that feeling when you think they will think your idea is brilliant too:
Getting that second opinion can often save us from grief
Love how you handled it xx
Suzie Cheel recently posted…Do You Listen To Your Spirit Guides?
Thanks, Suzie! Yes, it sure can. I hated to admit he was right on one level, but he was. I ended up making the investment anyway (and it worked out well) but only AFTER I met all my other obligations. I think that this meant I not only met those obligations, but I learned what it meant to dig deep, as I talk about. That experience has really changed me!
Jess, I’ve seen your business explode with success, so I know whatever you’re doing is working for you and your clients! Good for you in going with you gut and making the hard decisions in spite of resistance! Love it <3
Melissa recently posted…Are old family patterns keeping you stuck?
Thanks so much, Melissa! I’d have to say, I would recommend YOUR courses to anyone out there looking to grow their business too. While my coaching and courses (coming soon!) really help people with clarity about the what and how they want to do or how to change their business for wild success, your courses really lay the emotional, spiritual and energetic groundwork that make all that possible. I’ve loved the work we’ve done together! xoxox!
I’ve had these same kinds of conversations with my husband. And they always turn out the same way yours did. I either realize that I didn’t really need whatever it was or I found a way to do it without spending the money. When I did the latter, it always pushed me past my current limitations – and I was always glad I went that route.
Paige Burkes recently posted…How to Make Stress Your Friend
Thanks for your comment Paige! It’s amazing how much these things force us to grow, isn’t it? In the moment, I was certainly NOT glad, but now I am thankful for every painful minute. 🙂
What a great, lesson-filled story, Jessica. I tend to be an impulsive person and don’t like to think out the details when it comes to money, so I’ve been stopped in my tracks more than once. It doesn’t make sense to look at the financial element and I’m glad you could be so gracious in your surrender! Wow, I’m impressed you worked hard enough to cover both bases too.
Sandra Pawula recently posted…Embrace Simplicity and Ease Through the Art of Subtraction
Sandra, it was hard, but it was do-able. Pushing myself past what I thought I could do was the real AHA in this story for me.
Great example of how an everyday interaction can be a learning tool if you’re open enough to receive the lesson. I find an outside perspective so valuable as I too can convince myself of the awesomeness of an idea and completely brainwash myself. Another’s opininon helps me come back to balance and get out of my thinking pattern. The key is to stay open and not defensive.
Debbie Hampton recently posted…6 Depression Treatments You Might Not Know About
Yes! We all brainwash ourselves! But that’s why it is so important to have an outside perspective – someone you trust and someone who knows you and knows your strengths and weaknesses. Again, why coaching is invaluable!
Wise thoughts Jessica. It’s all too easy to see clearly when it isn’t about us…because we’re less emotionally entangled in the outcome. Congratulations for your insight and asking a great question. It’s only when we ask better questions that we get greater awareness.
Love that you did this. 🙂
Elle recently posted…How to Stay Positive When Life Gets Tough
Jess,
What a great story! Lots of good ideas, not the least of which is always get a second opinion. That, and not letting emotions get in the way of sound thinking.
Cheers,
Marc
marc zazeela recently posted…Cherry Blossoms
Thanks Marc! Yes, it’s such a tricky balance though, isn’t it? Because so much of our decisions are emotional, and often that’s exactly how it should be. The key is knowing when to use emotion and when to use logic, and how much of each. That’s why having someone else weigh in is a great idea. It’s really critical, actually. For all of us.
Thank you so much, Elle! Yes, it was very hard to step out of the emotion. I was like a little kid who wanted a shiny toy. . . but I knew that I needed to step up at that point. And we all sometimes know that deep down – when what’s being asked of us is to dig deeper.